Bereaved mothers and widows’ grief and their unfolding relationships: Implications for social work

The literature on coping with loss has examined parental loss and widowhood largely independently, pointing to the enduring and developing grief along the lifecycle. Little is known about the relationship between bereaved mothers and widows as it develops over time. This qualitative study explored how bereaved mothers and widows perceived and described the unfolding relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law, following the loss of a son or husband in the Israeli security forces. Interviews were conducted with ten bereaved mothers and ten non-related widows from Jewish families to explore their developing relationship with their in-laws following the loss. Thematic analysis revealed three main stages in the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law, relationship: disruption of the status quo directly after the loss; testing the relationship; and a process of decision-making, whether to continue cultivating the relationship and establish a new status quo. Participants described key events that challenged the newly created status quo, serving as milestones of difficulty and tension, but also as opportunities for renewal. The study points to the centrality of the relationship between the bereaved mother and widow in the process of coping with the loss, and reveals that this relationship is not static but rather dynamic and evolving over time. Social workers in the field of bereavement may be able to improve their effectiveness in helping families cope with loss by also considering multigenerational and longitudinal perspectives in their assessment and interventions.