Why We Don't Need Self-Esteem: On Fundamental Needs, Contingent Love, and Mindfulness

Self-esteem would appear to be a laudable quality. Indeed, from a superficial view, what could be wrong with esteeming the self? Esteeming oneself would seem akin to the other prescriptions of modern social-cognitive psychology: Be optimistic; hold positive illusions; expect success; feel efficacious; be happy. But like many of these “positive” prescriptions, the admonition to esteem oneself is more complex and problematic than it seems. We believe that Kernis (this issue), in working to disentangle the issues of level of self-esteem from its stability, has brought some of the problematic dynamics of “self-esteeming” into the forefront. Our comments, derived from both self-determination theory (SDT; Ryan & Deci, 2000) and Buddhist perspectives, suggest some reasons why. Extending the issues raised by Kernis, previous SDT formulations of contingent and noncontingent self-esteem (e.g., Deci & Ryan, 1995), and our recent findings concerning mindfulness (Brown & Ryan, 2003), we suggest that when self-esteeming processes are salient there is something awry with self-regulation, and with well-being. Based on SDT, we argue that, although self-evaluation is a “natural” human tendency with both evolutionary (Sedikedes & Skowronski, 2000) and developmental (Ryan & Kuzckowski, 1994) foundations, ongoing concern with the worth of the self is a byproduct of need deprivation or conflict. Specifically, the salience of processes in which the self is esteemed or disparaged is etiologically linked with the experience of contingent regard by significant others. We hypothesize that contingent regard increases one’s proneness to introjection, a form of behavioral regulation in which one’s actions are motivated by desires to gain (or not lose) self or other approval. Introjection, in turn, leaves one vulnerable to exogenous social pressures, the pursuit of unfulfilling goals, and the inauthentic living that can follow from them. Based on Buddhist perspectives, we further suggest that regulation based on mindfulness, rather than on contingent self-regard, is associated with healthier and more vital living, and provides a basis for acting more authentically.